When it isn't like it should be
'cause I think it like it'll never be
Will there be a place for me?
No one's ever waiting.
I've sold so many clothes that I don't know who I am
And I lose myself each time in lost and forgotten plans
it's up, it's down
constantly spinning around
It's from womb to grave
love does not save.
I'm mostly singing myself to sleep
so all the quarters you can keep
the broken hearts are free
(you vandals ruin me)
a big blade falling, I always seem to see
luckily it misses
there is no exit, only wishes.
And hope is always ten feet tall
In reverie I sort through it all
The red balloons, the frozen night
Make myself feel alright
Make myself believe in you
then crawl all the way home-what I've been born to do.
Maybe one day I'll see the ten sunset lights
let it all go, feel the warm nights
seal up the boards
and find purpose for that day in 1984.
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
February 22, 2011.
Maybe I should paint my nails pink
and learn how to think
Nothing works, so live with nothing working
No one cares, so be the one who's caring
On my own.
Still now I live for later days,
knowing it should be everyday
But each time a laugh, I begin to choke
It's never had to do with smoke
You can tell by the color of my face
my body's just putting me in my place
Maybe I should let the polish peel
and learn how to feel
I love too much, I could try stopping
I'm always cold inside, I might pile on the clothing
On my own.
They're bare and color gone,
I still find things to carry on
The music plays, so listening
Friends are far, but we get togethering
On our own.
But now we must pick up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on
and learn how to think
Nothing works, so live with nothing working
No one cares, so be the one who's caring
On my own.
Still now I live for later days,
knowing it should be everyday
But each time a laugh, I begin to choke
It's never had to do with smoke
You can tell by the color of my face
my body's just putting me in my place
Maybe I should let the polish peel
and learn how to feel
I love too much, I could try stopping
I'm always cold inside, I might pile on the clothing
On my own.
They're bare and color gone,
I still find things to carry on
The music plays, so listening
Friends are far, but we get togethering
On our own.
But now we must pick up every piece
Of the life we used to love
Just to keep ourselves
At least enough to carry on
April 13, 2011.
I do what I need to
cause it's what I have to
I don't even know you
or you
or you
or you
or anyone
And I'm never going to
Do we get what we can handle
or are meant to have a handle on?
I guess my life was never fit
for another life attached to it
Too much time spent on words or hair
but if I already caught your mind then I'd already be there
cause it's what I have to
I don't even know you
or you
or you
or you
or anyone
And I'm never going to
Do we get what we can handle
or are meant to have a handle on?
I guess my life was never fit
for another life attached to it
Too much time spent on words or hair
but if I already caught your mind then I'd already be there
April 2011.
'm never gonna know you now
and I was never going to know you then
but it's still nice to pretend
I still don't know anything that I didn't know before
My handwriting has modified, but these words still bring no cure
Pencil shapes have gone in reverse
everything ends up feeling like a curse
a mental block of monumental proportions
of slowly dying off aspirations
I'm on a roll ready to stop
onward toward my next biggest flop
at least i can come out on top
if I can keep from going under
I still have "what if's" to wonder
and the facts are never held in it
so i claim anything up to an accident.
and I was never going to know you then
but it's still nice to pretend
I still don't know anything that I didn't know before
My handwriting has modified, but these words still bring no cure
Pencil shapes have gone in reverse
everything ends up feeling like a curse
a mental block of monumental proportions
of slowly dying off aspirations
I'm on a roll ready to stop
onward toward my next biggest flop
at least i can come out on top
if I can keep from going under
I still have "what if's" to wonder
and the facts are never held in it
so i claim anything up to an accident.
April 20, 2011.
So it's the same
and it's every other time
so one sided
feeling divided
I sort through the images each day
smiling & staring, two faces or a vase
slowly pacing since I'm afraid to stand still
someone's already around the corner facing the kill
when uncertainty is my greatest thrill
I tried to woo you with paints and words
then fought off those feelings with fists and swords
my black hole plague mind never let me be
now all I do is suffocate in sleep
and it's every other time
so one sided
feeling divided
I sort through the images each day
smiling & staring, two faces or a vase
slowly pacing since I'm afraid to stand still
someone's already around the corner facing the kill
when uncertainty is my greatest thrill
I tried to woo you with paints and words
then fought off those feelings with fists and swords
my black hole plague mind never let me be
now all I do is suffocate in sleep
June 2011. 6.
New camera, new lens
New mind to decipher what I see
New paper, new pens
New hand to draw perfectly
Same slowly aged me
I could trace the lines so carefully
I could point the dots so perfectly
But it won't hurry what's meant to be
I always feel like there's something
big waiting for me.
New mind to decipher what I see
New paper, new pens
New hand to draw perfectly
Same slowly aged me
I could trace the lines so carefully
I could point the dots so perfectly
But it won't hurry what's meant to be
I always feel like there's something
big waiting for me.
June 2011. 5.
I don't know what I want
unsure of what I need
I feel close to no one
Nothing.
Music is now background noise
Static without healing properties
I don't care about anyone the way
I cared about you
it's dead now
There's no one there
Pointless from the inside out
weird round face
I don't have the key to come home to myself
And the windows are up too high to peek inside
I imagine everything dimly lit in there
And maybe the laughter is not at me
I stared at a picture of myself for hours trying to come to terms
Long way from home.
unsure of what I need
I feel close to no one
Nothing.
Music is now background noise
Static without healing properties
I don't care about anyone the way
I cared about you
it's dead now
There's no one there
Pointless from the inside out
weird round face
I don't have the key to come home to myself
And the windows are up too high to peek inside
I imagine everything dimly lit in there
And maybe the laughter is not at me
I stared at a picture of myself for hours trying to come to terms
Long way from home.
June 2011. 4.
Social static
emotion addict
words wage war
in my heart, unheard
misconstrued meaning
memories in my head
bed, fed, to dead
paper pen spoke
"your mind is the joke"
my eye doesn't lie but inside
misinterpretation takes place
preparation of reigning emotions embrace
comes raining tear form down my face
everytime I look at the night
water fall out of my eyes
it happens every time
Am I missing something?
emotion addict
words wage war
in my heart, unheard
misconstrued meaning
memories in my head
bed, fed, to dead
paper pen spoke
"your mind is the joke"
my eye doesn't lie but inside
misinterpretation takes place
preparation of reigning emotions embrace
comes raining tear form down my face
everytime I look at the night
water fall out of my eyes
it happens every time
Am I missing something?
June 2011. 3.
I lost the words I once had
My insides were the paper, I wrote them down
My heart was a pen moved
by the actions my eyes heard and saw
I've spent most of these days feeling overdue
And what was left of the nights feeling wasted
I'm tired of carrying a torch and burning my arm
My insides were the paper, I wrote them down
My heart was a pen moved
by the actions my eyes heard and saw
I've spent most of these days feeling overdue
And what was left of the nights feeling wasted
I'm tired of carrying a torch and burning my arm
June 2011. 2.
Write the words
Play the part
See some light
Remain in the dark [or "Choose the dark."]
Feel some warmth
Figure it out
Debate rebirth
Wait it out
Headphone the ears
Stay in the mind
Live someone else's fears
Comfort comes in time
Play the part
See some light
Remain in the dark [or "Choose the dark."]
Feel some warmth
Figure it out
Debate rebirth
Wait it out
Headphone the ears
Stay in the mind
Live someone else's fears
Comfort comes in time
June 2011 1.
I have bad bad dreams
They eat apart through my thinly thread seams
And burrow inside the emptiness
To a space so fitting for a nightmare nest
So my heart can never have any rest
And I'm forced to care for them.
They eat apart through my thinly thread seams
And burrow inside the emptiness
To a space so fitting for a nightmare nest
So my heart can never have any rest
And I'm forced to care for them.
10/23 3:55
I hold this pen
while you hold her head
and she holds your heart
and I sigh again
I sent out a message to myself
to never do this again
but I'm laying horizontal
in not my own bed.
I hope that I can't hear your hand
brushing her cheek in your room
Now I feel so down
and not like brushing my teeth before sleep soon
I sent out a message to whoever it concerns
to stop giving me all these lessons to learn
again
and again
And I'm sure that this will end up that way
I can't compress cold to my bullshit pain
There's love that isn't mine.
I'm sleeping with the light on to help me see nothing.
while you hold her head
and she holds your heart
and I sigh again
I sent out a message to myself
to never do this again
but I'm laying horizontal
in not my own bed.
I hope that I can't hear your hand
brushing her cheek in your room
Now I feel so down
and not like brushing my teeth before sleep soon
I sent out a message to whoever it concerns
to stop giving me all these lessons to learn
again
and again
And I'm sure that this will end up that way
I can't compress cold to my bullshit pain
There's love that isn't mine.
I'm sleeping with the light on to help me see nothing.
Worst than teenage poetry written cleverly on napkins.
This used to be a "I'm going to write bullshit about music and make the posts funny to myself and no one ever cares" blog, but now it's a "showcase of terrible poetry I've written in the past-present." Awesome!
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